I don’t know who my mum is. I don’t think I have ever seen her. Knowing my dad is out of question. I opened my eyes in this world inside a small cage; I do not remember that moment but just the feeling. Tens of strangers held inside cages were continuously screaming and shouting as if hoping to achieve some frequency in their voice, which can break their bondage. My head felt so heavy and something from within pulled my stomach inside, making it shrink. It was my introduction to hunger, something that I believe has driven me my entire life until I proved myself wrong at a much later stage of my life. Maybe I don’t remember anything because my vision was mostly blurred that night. I screamed hard, asking for food, but my voice got sunk into the cacophony around. That night, I could remember my intestines twirling inside me, my voice getting weaker with my every call for food. My first encounter with the life and death happened on the same night. I am glad I survived.
My first actual memory from this life is of that face, which seemed entirely different from others. Black hairs on the head, and then a very clear and smooth face followed by some weird looking body. For a very long time, I believed that he could change his body every morning, until I figured out the concept of clothes. However, by that time, I had torn many of his clothes thinking of disposing his old skin for good. I know, it sounds stupid now. Anyway, my eyes slowly traversed from his face to his body, he was so big, one of his arm holding me gently against his chest while his other hand was offering me a bottle of milk. I had no idea at first when he rubbed the nipple of that bottle against my mouth as I looked at him trying to understand that smile. However, my starving stomach smelled the food and though I had no official introduction to milk whatsoever, I knew that that bottle was the answer to all that I had wanted since I opened my eyes. Next moment I was nibbling desperately at the nipple of that bottle, trying to suck all the milk at once. Within moments, I sucked the last drop of milk and then might be another one after that. For the first time I realized that there was more to life than those intestines twirling out of hunger inside me. Everything outside suddenly looked so lively and different. After filling up myself with milk I finally looked back at my savior. Hunger had not let me see him properly at first, but when I looked again, I would never forget those brown eyes, they immediately erased my first impression of this world. The world is beautiful, I must have thought because all I could remember is that joyous feeling from that moment. I felt so happy looking at those eyes that my tail wagged for the first time in my life. It kept on wagging for many more years to come. Two more people walked to the side of that face with whom I became a way too familiar within a matter of few seconds. All of their faces were similar yet different. The way they looked at me was same though.
I never saw that cage from my first night again. By that evening, I had a comfortable bed, a large home, which I continued to explore and learnt my ways through over the course of next few days. From there on, life was all about eating, drinking, resting, playing, talking, and repeating it all over again. I couldn’t understand their language, but when they called Doney, it was for me. When the older ones called Ishan, it was for my friend. He called them papa and mama. Soon I could tell if they wanted me to sit or to walk or to bring something. Ishan taught me many things usually by using food as the motivator. He would throw a stick and if I would bring it back, I would be treated with a biscuit. Everything he offered me was so tasty, especially those biscuits. But somehow I couldn’t make him learn a single thing about my language. Sometimes I felt he was really dumb, because irrespective of how hard I tried to tell him something, he would just stare at me blankly. Thankfully, he could tell when I was hungry or might be he could tell that because I was always hungry.
Whenever I would poop in the room, he would stare at me angrily. I could soon tell he didn’t like me pooping inside home. Outside it was okay. As soon as I learnt about the reason of him being upset, I was determined to poop outside, only problem was the communication. During the mornings, while my poop knocked at the border of my ass, I would jump and shout and ask him to take me out. He would just grumble something lying upside down over his bed like a dead, which sounded something like, ‘sshhttaapp’. It continued for a few days before I got really pissed off by this irritating behavior and took a piss at that box, he loved more than anything in the home, the one with moving people inside it.
Hell had broken loose that day. I had been curiously observing and waiting for him to notice and as soon as he realized my mischief, his expressions had dangerously changed. I immediately sensed the danger. He charged at me aggressively but half-expecting already, I dashed outside. He was running after me like a mad person and I was running for my life. Just when I thought I had outrun him, a heavy object came in flying, hitting my leg hard. The pain was enormous and I fumbled and cried without stopping for even a moment and slipped under the bed, crawling urgently even with a little space to move until I had hit a corner. It was dark and somehow all the memories from the cage had returned stronger than ever. I was hurt and scared but most of all confused. He wouldn’t take me out for my poop, then he would get angry with me, and then he won’t understand a thing that I said. How was I supposed to show my frustration? But he had never hit me, might be I had done something very wrong. It was hurting and I hadn’t realized that I had never stopped wailing since I had been hit. Outside, I could hear some conversations going on. Ishan was livid. Papa and Mama too were angry. The conversation went on for too long. Finally, Ishan stomped his way out of that room. Mama called me outside. But all I could do was wail. She tried harder but I wouldn’t come out. Finally, giving up she slipped a bowl of milk under the bed and I crawled slowly to that bowl.
It had been days since Ishan had played with me. It was papa who would take me outside and mama who would feed me. No matter how fast I wagged my tail or called him from outside of his closed door, he won’t even look at me. Whenever he stepped out, I tried to wrap myself around his legs, begging him to play but every time he shoved me away.
Such behavior continued until one day some strangers came to the house and tried to take me away. A little girl and her parents. I realized the whole situation when the car started to move with mama, papa, and Ishan outside. The car used to take papa away from us daily, which meant it was me going away from my family. I cried and wiggled in the girl’s hands in my frenzied attempts to get free. But I was too small in her hands. I couldn’t understand why I was in the car with my family outside. I was scared and I fiercely called for Ishan and may be that day he understood me. While he had stood indifferently for all that while looking away from the car and me, it seemed something suddenly entered inside him as he jumped in front of the car. He thumped the window fiercely and as soon as the door was opened, he snatched me from the girl. I angrily shouted at him at first but before another moment passed, my tail was moving swiftly in all directions. He was crying, holding me to his chest and all I could do was, wag my tail more swiftly. The little girl was crying in the car but it was better her than Ishan or me. I could remember, there was a lot of talking again before the other family pulled away from there. I could sense they were not so happy because they had to almost drag their disappointed kid from there. But, from that day Ishan never turned his back on me. Not until that fateful day after so many years.
I have a power to sense feelings. I know Ishan loves me the most. I have seen him missing his meals but I always had more than my share of fill. Papa and mama also loves me fine but just in the scratch my neck and pat my back kind of way. After scratching and patting, they quickly move on to their work. That is why those few months when Ishan had gone away were the worst of my life. I had food served in time, regular walks, but nobody used me as a cushion to lie down while working or nobody looked at me inquisitively when I asked for some playtime or nobody continuously talked to me as if I understood everything. I loved the last part because I could sense when Ishan wanted me to just look back, when he wanted me to wrap my neck around his, and when to go and sit in his lap. Others treated me respectfully but always as a different species. Ishan treated me like a friend.
When Ishan came back after a long wait, I was so happy that I jumped on him to make him fall over the ground. I wanted to smell him, lick him, play with him, hug him, talk to him, all in that one moment. But all I could do was wag my tail.
Ishan’s face had changed a bit. There were hairs on it. I saw mama pointing to his hairs and repeatedly telling him something while Ishan smirked like an idiot. His behavior had changed as he had become more like me, careless. Well it made sense for me to leave my bowl of half eaten lunch at the floor but now even Ishan’s meals could be found next to mine. He had grown up, I could tell. Anyway, next few days were like a beautiful stroll in a park, without a leash. We played and talked and I got a lot to eat. He told me about something about which he was exceptionally happy. His eyes sparkled whenever he told me about that thing, which was a lot or whenever he was holding that small black object to his ear and pretending to talk. But I was the happiest because my best friend was home.
In my short life, I have learnt a good lesson about life – happiness is always short lived or may be it always feels that way. Ishan was soon heading back. I was so upset and I thought it was my turn to speak to him. However when I did, all I could get were those blank, frustrating stares and a lot of those ‘sshhttaapp’. I tried a lot of things, from running away with his clothes to sitting inside his luggage to blocking the door. But papa grabbed me to secure the passage for him. He was gone.
It had been days since he had left and yet at every knock at the door I would rush to check if it was him. I would keep on staring at the door, expecting that it would open and Ishan would be there. No such thing happened. I was so upset at papa and mama to let him go that I would keep screaming on them. They kept on telling me to calm down, but I didn’t care. How could they let someone they love go away so easily? They seemed to have grown fed up of my tantrums lately but again, I didn’t care. May be I should have.
Few days passed and two guys with same kind of clothes came to the house. I could smell something was fishy but papa and mama were there. Mama put a biscuit, my favorite one, in a cage that those guys had brought in, and I walked into it. Before I could even take a bite the door of the cage was shut. I looked at mama, she was telling something to those similarly dressed guys. I frantically pushed the door but it didn’t budge. I anxiously called for her, but she smiled and may be asked me to relax. The two guys picked up the cage and started walking out of the home. I desperately called for mama, but she and papa were standing at the door waving their hands. I asked them to stop these guys from taking me away but they just continued waving. Had I upset them too much? Were they really giving me away? But how could they do it behind Ishan’s back? I felt so betrayed. I was put in the backside of a van where there were three more dogs and a couple of cats lying in their cages. Looking at them and all those cages, the memories of my first night, that darkness, that hunger, that loneliness came rushing back to me, scaring me to death. I was calling hysterically for my home now. All of us in the back of the van looked equally scared and I was no help as my actions had increased the anxiety levels of everyone else in that part of the van. After some time, I could tell the van had stopped. One of the guys opened the door and I started shouting at them as if my arguments had the power to convince them but the guys took out a long injection filled with some liquid in it. I was familiar with the injection, as Ishan had put me through that trauma whenever I was sick. In front of my eyes those guys started poking the animals with injections. Soon one was thrusted inside me and I felt dizzy and sleepy. Last thing that I remember before giving in to an overpowering sleep was the closing doors and the thudding sounds of other animals dropping in their cages.
I don’t know for how long I had been sleeping but my eyes rebelled when I tried opening them. My ass where I had been injected hurt like hell.
‘Doney.’ Somebody called my name, a familiar voice that my dizzy brain was struggling hard to put in place. Might be because I wasn’t expecting it.
The voice called for me again and my deluded brain started processing the voice a little faster. It was, yes it was, Ishan’s voice. I pushed open my eyes to look at the person. There were four Ishans standing at some distance or maybe it was just one and my heavy head could see four. Anyway, I jumped to my fumbling feet and rushed to one of them, soon to realize it was the wrong one. I bumped into a stool on top of which was placed a metallic canister with flour in it. The flour was on me, the canister after hitting my head was on the floor with a loud noise, and I was more deluded than ever. But there was no cage, and it was definitely Ishan’s voice, I just had to gain control over my crazy brain. Ishan had burst into a laughter somewhere close by. I shook off the flour from my head and again looked above; he was laughing holding his belly just next to me. It was just one of him now and I screamed in joy. I jumped at him and soon both of us were rolling on the floor covered in flour. He was rubbing my back and I was lying over his chest with no intention to get up again ever in my life. It continued that way for a little while till a stranger’s voice interrupted the fun.
This was a girl standing at some distance staring angrily at Ishan. Yeah I could tell between a girl and a boy by then.
I was confused for a moment but soon I was in my full senses. Two strangers with the similar colored clothes had screwed me enough not so long back and I wasn’t letting another stranger do that to me again. I charged at her to avenge that treachery. Soon the girl was running with me tailing her. I could tell that Ishan was behind me. But I was in no mood to stop before teaching her a lesson. She tripped over a shoe and fumbled to the ground and I had my opportunity. I bit her leg while she jerked it hard to get away from me. Ishan pulled me back, but I was hell bent to send a message to all the strangers that they don’t mess with Doney. Ishan dragged me to another room before bolting it from inside. My mind had finally regained the complete senses as I could clearly tell that Ishan was livid. He was shouting at me and I was looking at him inquisitively to understand that what had I done now to change his mood so fast. Might be, he didn’t like me biting a stranger or might be she was no stranger at all.
I looked at a big photograph hanging to the wall with that stranger girl and Ishan laughing with each other. Now, Ishan’s anger was making complete sense to me. I had bitten somebody known to Ishan because before that all the photographs inside Ishan’s room were with mama, papa, and few friends who had visited our home and had played with me. I could hear the girl crying outside. Inside, Ishan was yelling at me, I couldn’t understand a thing, but I could sense. It was time for me to make short eye contacts with him to let him know that I was listening but for most of the time look away to hint him to stop. Ishan had never hit me since that one time; however, he seemed very close to hitting me again. The girl was beating the door now. Ishan opened the door and checked on her wound. After a short discussion, both of them started for the door. Just before leaving, he turned and pointed to the corner of the room and I knew what he meant. I slowly walked to the corner of the room he had pointed towards and sat over there. However, like always, as soon as they left, I got up and started checking this new house. It was a small house with just two rooms. The old house and mama papa were no longer there.
Clothes were scattered around, and shoes were lying in the middle of the room. I roamed around and smelled everything. It wasn’t just Ishan but someone else too was living in that house, most probably that girl whom I had bit. I couldn’t have felt more sorry but it was her fault as well as she was the one to actually dress like those two similar looking strangers who had taken me away from my home. But why was Ishan living with a stranger in such a small house and not with mama and papa in our house.
Anyway, I was right because she was living with Ishan. In the evening, when I heard the door being unlocked from outside, I ran to my corner and lied down at the floor in my signature ‘I feel so sorry that I don’t want to live anymore’ posture. I didn’t even lift my head to prove how bad I was feeling. Ishan looked at me for a moment and then at the other corner of the room. Damn it. I was lying in the wrong corner.
The girl slowly limped to the room with her hand around Ishan’s shoulder and Ishan’s hand around her waist. I hadn’t seen Ishan physically so close to anyone else except me. I felt a bit envious and a lot hungry. Only if I hadn’t been stupid enough to bite her.
After some time the door opened and Ishan slipped a bowl full of food in front of me. He looked at me for a brief moment and without any smile or any word, he just left.
So, now I was living with them. She limped for the next few days and I could feel her glares pointed at me whenever she was around. Ishan too wasn’t his usual self for first few days but gradually we were laughing and playing like always. They had a schedule, which meant we had a schedule. Ishan would wake up early in the morning to take me out for a stroll. Kavya (I figured the name in a few days) would be asleep when we were back. Ishan will prepare the tea and will wake her up. Once she was up, the whole house hustled with her. My job was to not to come in the way during those emergency hours. Ishan would fill up my bowl with food before both of them left the house together. A lady would come twice in the day to check on me and she would refill my bowl and would spend some time with me. Both of them returned together in the evening and I could feel Ishan’s footsteps from a distance. I waited for him to enter the house so that I could tell him how much I had missed him. I would leap upon him and lick his face while he would not stop laughing.
Time moved on quickly but somehow the glares never stopped. Like I said, I could sense the feelings; I always felt Kavya’s hatred for me. Of course, I had given her a good reason by biting her on our very first meeting but since then I had always tried to be nice to her. Ishan was fond of her and that is why I had to try. One day Ishan left with a big trolley. Somebody leaving with a trolley was a hint for me that I won’t see him for a long time now. That, and the long lecture where there was a lot of pointing and instructions as if I understood a single damn thing. However, I would continuously look at him during his lectures, because that way I felt I was part of that conversation. When he was dragging his trolley outside the door, I looked at Kavya who was again glaring at me. I rushed to Ishan, wrapping my front two legs and neck around his leg, begging him not to leave me with her. He anyway continued walking, dragging me along. Kavya had to pull my leash to set him free from my hold. I saw him getting into the lift. He was smiling and the door of the lift closed. He was gone. I uncertainly looked back at Kavya, who had just stopped waving at the closed lift and was again glaring at me. I was so dead.
Next few days were horrible. No meals on time, very few strolls in the park, and no playing. However, the worst part was no friendly smiles. I felt so suffocated and yet I kept my patience in the hope that Ishan will return soon. If I ever asked for anything, I was treated with disgust, which was humiliating. If I took my bowl of food to her, she would shout at me. If I would take my leash to her, she would ignore me. Most of the times her door would be closed from inside and I would just sit and walk in the hall wondering what to do about my grumbling stomach. One thing I had learned from Ishan was that no matter how hard we tried, humans cannot understand us. If Ishan could not understand me, what should I expect from Kavya. I had a herculean task to keep my patience with her and I had almost succeeded in that. Well, almost.
One morning Kavya was in a hurry like always, running from one corner of the house to the other. I was bundled in a corner trying to be invisible for her, half expecting something to be filled in my food bowl before she leaves. She rushed to the balcony to get her dry clothes and opened that board where after moving that heavy white thing over the clothes, her clothes used to become all plain and nice. I was busy ogling at my bowl while my stomach pleaded for food. She rushed to the bathroom without filling my bowl, which meant I had to deal with my rebellious stomach for a longer time. Not much time had passed when my shrinking stomach made me walk to my empty bowl in the hope of any left over from last night. Nothing. Yet, I started licking my bowl to let myself keep going. Suddenly the bathroom’s door was unbolted and in my bid to become invisible again for Kavya, I hurried to my corner. In the haste, I hit the board and that white heavy thing fell on me. What I never realized earlier was that how damn hot it was. The moment it fell over my back, I jumped so high that the whole board fell down. While it hurt so much, I still tried to reach my corner, somehow hoping that, if only, I could sit in the exact same position as she had left me ten minutes before, she wouldn’t notice. Yet, here she was standing over my head, her wet hairs scattered over her face, and the intensity of her glare drying the air around me because it was impossible for me to breathe now. I looked away, with my face over my paws, again hoping that my distracted eyes would distract her somehow. It was burning so badly where that stupid thing had fallen, yet I had swallowed my pain. Suddenly, I smelled something. It was the smell of Kavya, although she was standing next to me, the smell was even closer. As soon as I realized what was it, I knew I was so dead. Her cloths, which she had straightened by that heavy white-hot stupid thing was lying on my head. Before I could comprehend, something hit my abdomen so bad that I jumped again. The pain was blinding. It was her who had kicked me. Before I could understand, there was another one. The searing pain made me tremble on my legs. It took me moments to regain my senses, and when I did, I lost it completely. I pounced on her, grabbing her other leg with my teeth piercing hard into her flesh. I was so damn angry that I wanted to chew away her whole leg. She was crying and hitting me with her hands but I had enough. I continued to force my jaw in her shin. I had been behaving. No food, no strolls, no playing, and yet I never complained. How dare she could hit me like some animal?
Suddenly she stopped moving, and there were loud thuds on the door. Her screams had alarmed the neighbors. I left her leg. Is she dead? I sniffed her, she was breathing. Apparently, she had lost her consciousness. I ran inside the bathroom to hide behind the curtains.
I remember that long day – the loud noises, the crying, somebody locking my door from outside, me calling for help, and finally Ishan opening the door. As soon as I saw him, I ran to him to calm down my racing heart. But, before I could reach him, he kicked me so hard that I could feel blood in my mouth. The shock was such that I could only wail like a pup, retreating to my corner. He was lividly shouting at me. All his words drowned in my wail, which I never thought would stop ever.
The nightmare seemed to never end until later that night he passed food to me in my bowl. I was not sure if I should eat but I was so desperate to make everything normal again, that I took a bite out of it. I don’t remember if I ever took a second bite.
When I opened my eyes, and which felt like impossible due to my fuzzy head, I was aghast to find myself at a strange place. It was dark and the cars were moving so fast just next to me. My vision was blurred and my head felt so heavy. I fumbled for a few steps before falling down again. I growled and barked. I called Ishan repeatedly but nobody seemed to be around. For the first time in my life, I realized what fear really meant. I wished so hard for it to just be a nightmare and yet the harsh reality was sinking in gradually and slowly. Yet, I wasn’t ready to believe it. It must have been a mistake. Ishan would come anytime now and pick me up. I did a mistake and I was supposed to be punished for it, but now Ishan would come anytime smiling to take me back home. I kept on lying there but Ishan didn’t come. Just more cars passed with their incoming headlights blinding me everytime. After a long wait when I finally came to terms with me being on my own, I again attempted to stand up. My trembling legs again tried to support my body and this time I walked a few steps before falling again. It was the second night in my life when I didn’t know what to feel, the first one was when I had opened my eyes. I was feeling hopeful and hopeless at the same time. My trust for Ishan was fighting my pain of betrayal. I don’t know if humans are capable of feeling so many things inside them, but that night I realized, we four legged were capable of feeling much more than just hunger, happiness, and pain. I don’t remember, after how much time did I pass out again.
When the next morning I had awoke, I found a lot of food close to me. Ishan must have left it over for me and I might have missed it the last night with my fuzzy head, I could smell and see it the next day. I had my fill and then I just waited sitting over there. I chased the cars, hoping Ishan might be in one of them, always to return back to my spot when they didn’t stop or slow down. I was not ready to give up on my faith and I believed Ishan might had left me over there as a punishment, but he will come back for me. He couldn’t let that girl take me away, how could he ever abandon me.
Next couple of days went the same way and then the food ran over. It was a long road with nothing but open fields on either side. I was clueless and nothing made more sense than chasing the cars. But with no food and water now, I had to move looking for some. But what if Ishan came looking for me and I wasn’t there? No, that was too much of a risk. Another day passed without food and water. The hunger was unbearable now and it seemed impossible to survive without any food and water. I had to move. So, against my wish I started walking next to the road following it without any thought. There were two directions and I wasn’t sure if I was getting closer or farther from Ishan but I had to live in order to have any chance at our reconciliation. For that, I had to eat and drink. It was a long walk before I could finally see some houses and buildings. I dashed to one of the places and sniffed around for some food before finding something to eat. I was so famished that I almost swallowed the whole thing without chewing it.
I was back in the town and somehow I felt I was close to Ishan. Now all day long my job was to roam around the streets looking for Ishan and it wasn’t easy. It wasn’t just the buildings and the roads which all looked so similar and so confusing, it was the other dogs and people also who would chase me away or pelt stones at me. In just a few days, I had so many scratches all over my body and a couple of injuries as well which slowed me down in my search. I had never imagined that world could be such a difficult place. When you see the world through the eyes of a guardian it looks so nice and gentle. As soon as the world knows you are on your own, it changes, it changes to test you to the core. But my motivation to go on was bigger than any test.
It must have been a lot of days when I finally found that park where Ishan used to bring me for a stroll. At first, I thought my desperate heart is tricking me but as soon as I saw a couple of familiar faces my joy knew no bounds. I dashed inside the park to the same bench where Ishan would sit when I used to play with the kids and other dogs. I sat next to the bench, determined that no amount of hunger would ever make me move from there. The people who recognized me stared at me in disbelief and if I had read them alright, with certain discomfort and even fear too. I couldn’t care less. After some time, I saw Ishan entering the park, and when I did, I leaped in joy. My tail was wagging so fast but somehow, I wasn’t sure if Ishan would be happy to see me back. So, I walked slowly and cautiously, totally aware how hard he could kick. But I wouldn’t have taken a couple of steps ahead when he came running to me, hugging and kissing me all at the same time. I was pressing my body against his so hard and moving all around him in excitement. If I remember okay, I was uttering strange voices, which I never had. For a moment I thought, this excitement needs to be vented out quickly or my heart will explode.
When Ishan knocked at the door, Kavya opened it. She had a big white cloth wrapped around her leg. I apologetically and hopefully looked at her but that glare I knew had turned worse and the moment her eyes fell upon me, all my hopes to return vanished. Ishan asked me to wait and went inside. I was happy to wait because I knew Ishan was inside. Kavya’s voices coming from the other side of the door were livid. I am sure I heard some glasses being broken and some heavy metal things being thrown. I somehow understood what it meant. After a lot of shouting, screaming, finally there was silence inside and then the door opened. Ishan stepped out, all livid and sad at the same time. For a moment he looked at me and then walked past me. It was a cue for me to follow him. We reached the park and he sat on the bench holding my face next to his. There were tears in his eyes and he was speaking something. I couldn’t understand a thing but I wanted him to stop crying. He hugged me and kissed me and then he stood up to leave. When I started following him again, he turned back and told me not to. I was taken by surprise. I didn’t know what else to do except for being around him. I had done a mistake and I had paid for it or had I? Having been unsure, I again started following him and then he turned back, came to me and bent to sit on one of his knees. He again said something with more tears in his eyes. I realized that me following him was making him cry more so I listened to him and stayed back in the park. It was dark and the park seemed deserted. He slowly walked away and I kept looking at him, expecting him to turn back and call me, until he vanished in the dark.
My life had changed altogether. Now I would roam around the park waiting for Ishan to show up in the morning and the evening, which he never missed. He would bring food for me and we would play together. I had the special attention of the caretaker of the park, might be because Ishan had asked him for that. I wanted to live with him because when he wasn’t around this world was not as much fun and a little scary too. Any passing human would throw a stone at me even if I was sitting quietly. Why it was so hard for them to understand that it hurts? A group of stray dogs would just surround me and bully me. But, I couldn’t complain about anything as my only buddy was back in my life and I had adapted alright to the new normal. Time went on. I saw a few pups coming to the park grow bigger. Thankfully, Ishan never missed coming to the park. He would come in the morning and evening with a lot of food as if trying to make up for my expulsion. We played and talked and laughed and those days were amazing.
However, happiness is always short-lived. One day Ishan didn’t come. I waited in the morning, in the evening, the next day, and the next day. But the wait didn’t seem to get over. I grew restless after a few days and ran to the home. The door was locked, and I sat outside it. I could feel in my guts that something wasn’t right. Neighbors saw me waiting outside the door and brought food for me. Somehow, my concern was bigger than my hunger. Another day went by and nobody went in or out of the house. Now I was sitting against the door itself, leaving no chance for anybody slipping through that door without me knowing. Another day passed by and I nibbled on the food in front of me to stay awake. Something was very wrong. Finally, that evening I heard those familiar footsteps on the stairs. I shot in the direction, jumping four steps at once to see Ishan. Yes, it was him, covered in something white over his face and hands. Only one of his eyes and his mouth were visible as that white thing was wrapped all around his face and his neck. He smelled funny too. But who cared, Ishan was back. I cuddled around his legs, rubbing my body and dancing in between them. I had missed Kavya who was standing aghast and scared in a corner. Ishan expectantly looked at her and at first, she looked at him as if he had asked for her life but might be because he seemed hurt and in pain, she nodded. After months I won my entry back in the home, even if it was just for some time that day. When I entered my steps jittered, the house wasn’t the same. It looked ghostly where all the walls, especially of the kitchen were charred. I smelled ashes everywhere, as the things were either burnt or half burnt. May be that was why Ishan was wrapped in that white thing. Only the bedroom seemed fine and Ishan and Kavya went inside with the door opened. May be that was the cue for me to follow them inside. I sat in the corner, looking at Ishan. I was so happy. Kavya gave me some food. They rarely talked that evening as Kavya seemed busy arranging the things in the bedroom. Ishan would slip a few smiles my way. I don’t know how to smile but my tail knows how to reciprocate. Later that evening, I was asked to leave and although I didn’t wish to, I had to. I walked back to the park.
Ishan couldn’t come to the park for another week, so every evening I would go to him and Kavya, though she seemed unwilling and scared, would let me in.
After some time, Ishan started coming to park again, with Kavya supporting her. One evening when Ishan and Kavya came to the park, Ishan for the first time in many days wasn’t carrying that white thing wrapped around his face. He looked different. His hairs were gone. His face was covered in blisters and his skin had turned darker and different. I ran to him. He smelt the same.
I ran through his legs wagging my tail as I always did. It was the playtime after all. He patted my back warmly and rubbed my neck and I stood up on my hinds with my front legs placed over him. He was laughing and playfully threw my legs from his body. It should have been like any other day, when I would play around him or with him and yet something felt different. The world around felt different. Every human eye in the park was looking in our direction. They weren’t just any normal looks. Those were something in between pity and disgust. All of them in our direction or soon I realized in the direction of Ishan. They would quickly turn away as soon as Ishan would look at them, to return back when he didn’t. Ishan increasingly became disturbed as the evening advanced and I didn’t know what to do except playing with him, which seemed to irritate him now. Might be Kavya had some answer and I expectantly looked at her to get shocked by what I saw. She was looking at him, a look which I knew very well. It had always been there for me, that glare. While every other stare in the park was a mix of sympathy and sorry, her eyes were filled with disgust. She was staring at him, examining his head and his face and then she looked into the distance angrily. I saw him expectantly going for her hand to find support against those stares around but she slowly moved her hand away. I wasn’t able to comprehend what had changed until I had seen Kavya. Ishan’s face had changed the world around us. But why? Ishan was the same Ishan. He was disturbed by the stares of others but Kavya’s behavior had hurt him the most, I could sense. I looked at Kavya again who was sitting there with a smug face. I had learnt to live with her glares but just for me. Those glares toward Ishan were boiling my blood now. I wanted her to stop looking at him like that. Every time I had seen him looking at her, I knew that look too, the look of I trust you with everything, my playing, my food, my feelings. I knew what it felt to have that trust broken and the look Ishan had now was of that broken trust only. I had lived all these feelings and they pained like hell. I didn’t want Ishan to live any of it. I couldn’t take it anymore and without even me realizing it, I screamed at Kavya to stop that mean behavior. It was so sudden that she was taken by surprise and while she shuddered in her seat over the bench to move away, she slipped and fell on the ground. It felt so good. But, while I was busy enjoying that moment, something struck me in my belly so hard that I almost jumped in the air. A wave of blinding pain traveled through my belly. Startled by the attack, I violently looked in that direction to find Ishan glowering at me. I knew, he wouldn’t stop at one, so even before I could let myself comprehend everything, I had to escape from their first. I was right; his second kick just missed me by whiskers.
When I turned back, Kavya was rushing back with Ishan at her tail. I called him from back, but he didn’t even turn. What had I done?
The next day wasn’t too bright either. The whole day, I restlessly waited for the evening to come. Finally, when the other dogs with their owners began to come to the park, I sat next to the entrance eagerly waiting for Ishan. The dogs played with their masters, kids ran by, there were groups of older people chatting, and all I could do was to hate them for yesterday. These people could have done the same thing last evening as well, but they had to ruin everything by staring at Ishan. Anyway, sitting over the ground I turned my head towards the entrance, hoping for Ishan to come any moment now. But the moment never came as it grew darker and slowly the people started leaving. Just a couple of dogs were left in the park, playing with kids. Enough of the waiting, I took a resolve to go and see Ishan myself, even if that meant getting kicked again. I stood up and shot to Ishan’s place.
I saw him from a long distance standing on that busy road. He was crying. It took me a moment to notice Kavya. She was standing next to him with all that luggage. Ishan was saying something which Kavya didn’t seem to listen as she continued staring the other way. His tears were thicker than I had ever seen, and I don’t know why, but I was feeling the hurt again. They were standing across the road, which the traffic wasn’t letting me cross, every now and then blocking my view as well. Anyway, I decided it wasn’t a good idea to go to Ishan with Kavya around him. He was continuously speaking with tears rolling down his cheeks and Kavya continued to ignore, looking the other way around. Finally, when she turned to him, the glare was worse than what she used to have for me. The disgust hidden in her eyes was tremendous. Now she was speaking in rage, and while she did, a couple of times she pointed her finger at his face too. When I tried to sum up the situation, the luggage, the disgust, the tears, and the pointing added to something I couldn’t comprehend. He was my best friend and he was so nice. Was it his changed face drawing all that hatred and disgust from Kavya? No, it can’t be, there must be something which I wasn’t able to understand with my dog brain. Humans can’t just love faces, when even we animals go for the feelings. While I was lost in my thoughts, Kavya sat in a car and left. I quickly crossed the road and in the friendliest way that I could, I looked at him. He seemed lost as if standing lonely and unaware of the people around. But as soon as his lost eyes met mine, he woke up from his state of trance. He turned back and started walking towards his place. I quietly began following him. Seemingly lost completely, on his way home he bumped into many people who as soon as looked at him shuddered back with a mean look on their faces. Every time it happened, Ishan would look back at me and I don’t know if it was just me or whether really a pinch of pained smile would touch his lips.
He opened the door and left it open. I thought it was a cue for me to enter. He was standing in front of a mirror, talking and crying. I knew it was my time to just stand next to him. Usually when he was emotional, he would speak a lot before even looking at me. But this time it wasn’t more than a few moments, when he turned around and almost dropped over the ground with his arms wrapped around my neck. He hugged me so tight that it hurt but I didn’t move a bit. I didn’t want to disturb him. He cried for a very long time that day before both of us slept together in the same bed that night. I was happy that I was back with my best friend. But somehow, he seemed happier than me. I couldn’t understand the reason but then I couldn’t understand many things. After all I have brains of a dog and we are not as good as humans.